This is a really great joke:
But should you feel the need to implement this extremely valuable web service yourself, here is how you could do it in Pharo (error handling is not 100% bullet proof, this is just a quick demo, but you get the idea): 'paddin'' oswalt' padLeftTo: 68 with: $@. (ZnServer startDefaultOn: 8080) onRequestRespond: [ :req | | str len ch | str := req uri queryAt: #str ifAbsent: [ '' ]. len := req uri queryAt: #len ifAbsent: [ '' ]. len := Integer readFrom: len ifFail: [ 0 ]. ch := (req uri queryAt: #ch ifAbsent: [ ' ' ]) first. ZnResponse ok: (ZnEntity text: (str padLeftTo: len with: ch)) ]. ZnClient new host: #localhost; port: 8080; queryAt: #str put: 'paddin'' oswalt'; queryAt: #len put: 68; queryAt: #ch put: $@; get. $ curl 'http://localhost:8080/?str=paddin%27%20oswalt&len=68&ch=@' Of course, if you are really going this into production, you'll have to pay me and Pharo the necessary royalties ;-) Sven PS: Returning a JSON (which does not really make sense here) is left as an exercise.